http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWg9_oh5rLQscarlo went on a singing rant today..singing 3 asian songs..it was cute
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
today
seriously...it's not a good day for me
it started out early and with not so joyful news..i guess October is a bad news month..maybe due to Halloween? i don't know
so i was immediately....torn as soon as i woke up
and now that the day has ended it hasn't gotten any better
for those of you that are familiar with me, whether it be personally or threw another website or what ever the connection...those that know me well enough know the struggles i put up with daily
this post will only be understood if you REALLY know me
for the past month or two i have held back many things from people, even if i needed to let it go it never came out, it could be fear causing this but I'm not so sure
so people in my life don't know the truth behind the constant smiles or the constant randomness of mine...pretty much everyone believes I'm the normal Aida, with random phrases, laughing for no reason, speaking randomly etc...when in reality, its all just a cover up....i will not discuss the truth behind this post due to many many reasons, but if you insist on knowing ask and you may probably receive depending on who you are
i say that because i have trust issues....i don't trust everyone i know or anyone that i come in contact with...i don't really trust anyone unless they've proven to me that their trust is worth grasping
this blog was created to share my thoughts on different things, culture, music, hobbies or even politics if I'm in a good good good mood
i don't tell people much to begin with so take this as a rare post..you really wont see these often, and the next post you might say "oh she's over it now" that's just really the cover up part of how i handle things
anyways..this post is pretty much pointless since this blog doesn't get read so
peace!
~Aida
it started out early and with not so joyful news..i guess October is a bad news month..maybe due to Halloween? i don't know
so i was immediately....torn as soon as i woke up
and now that the day has ended it hasn't gotten any better
for those of you that are familiar with me, whether it be personally or threw another website or what ever the connection...those that know me well enough know the struggles i put up with daily
this post will only be understood if you REALLY know me
for the past month or two i have held back many things from people, even if i needed to let it go it never came out, it could be fear causing this but I'm not so sure
so people in my life don't know the truth behind the constant smiles or the constant randomness of mine...pretty much everyone believes I'm the normal Aida, with random phrases, laughing for no reason, speaking randomly etc...when in reality, its all just a cover up....i will not discuss the truth behind this post due to many many reasons, but if you insist on knowing ask and you may probably receive depending on who you are
i say that because i have trust issues....i don't trust everyone i know or anyone that i come in contact with...i don't really trust anyone unless they've proven to me that their trust is worth grasping
this blog was created to share my thoughts on different things, culture, music, hobbies or even politics if I'm in a good good good mood
i don't tell people much to begin with so take this as a rare post..you really wont see these often, and the next post you might say "oh she's over it now" that's just really the cover up part of how i handle things
anyways..this post is pretty much pointless since this blog doesn't get read so
peace!
~Aida
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
random
i cant sleep again so I’m dropping a new ost
i haven’t been keeping up with the poetry i just havent had time or have been willing to type a poem..call me lazy!
um....yesterday was my brothers 29th b-day so a happy birthday to danny!!!
not much else going on
OH! ~
i made a list of all the stories I’ve written and it’ll share them below:
NAME - PAGES - MODE - STATUS -
" lie" 7 1 st person finished
"love = pain" 9.5 1 st person finished
"long time no see" 15 1 st person finished
"change of heart" 3.5 1 st person finished
"love too many" 3 1 st person unfinished
"wasn’t meant to be" 41 1 st person finished
"behind my back" 1 1 st unfinished
" betrayal" 1 1 st unfinished
"writing is magic" 3 1 st person unfinished
"school" 1 1 st unfinished
"sudden change" 2 1 st unfinished
"fantasy/crash" 3 1 st unfinished
"no fairytale" 11 1 st unfinished
"orphan" 1 1 st unfinsihed
" lover or friend" 2 1 st unfinished
"crush" 1 all modes unfinished
"finally" 1 1 st unfinished
"til i die" 2.3 1 st unfinished
"horror" 1 1 st unfinished
"dance" 0.5 1 st finished
"happy birthday" 2.5 1 st finished
"luck or what? " 86 1 st finished
"change for love" 29.5 1 st finished
"wrongful love" 1 1 st finished
"my all" 1 all modes currently working on it
the 1 pagers are the ones that are either short short short or i just lost all ideas for and gave up..unfinished means i had writers block and forgot what i wanted it to be, they are still open for me to continue if i like but as of now my main concern is "my all" sooooo..yeah I’m stuck on that one too
the story i gave hints about was "luck or what? " but i closed it and it is now completed !!!! it was the first story i actually finished
trust me i have boxes full of stories that i gave up on so this one means alot to me
going to end this post this computer is making weird noises:)
tata~
~ Aida
more crap
do you have fears??
i sure as hell do
i fear dounts people have about me and i fear neglection (if thats even a word)
i grew up hearinf so many threats about the future, as in the way we turned out to be, and i guess i just to a point where i not only believe them all but i also fear them, for me family means more to me than i do to myself, so having them suffer or hate me or whatever will kill me
i hate lieing to them everyday but although i hate it and i know its wrong i think it's best that way, the less they know the less they hurt...i cant be the one to tear this family apart, i will not be held responisible for that sort of damage, i refuse to be the ouytcast anymore, i refuse to be the one everyone makes fun of just because i'm not like the rest of the damn worl, or made fun of because my eye is all fucked up or judged becasue of the music i listen to, or made fun of becasue i suck at talking or i'm not the smartest girl on earth, or because i have interest in learning other language and culture, i hate being that girl that people go to just because they have a fucking problem and then they remember that i do fucking listen
i now stand away from you bastards that always thought i couldnt do nothing, you bastards that never looked twice at me because i'm different than the worlds population, you bastards that made me cry in school because i was too afraid to do a fucking speech!!! to those that know how i really am know not to push my buttons, i am bi-polar and a half and on top of that i'm a rican and padilla! but those that dont know or dont care, keep at it and i swear to god i'll make you wish you treated me with respect
they say the quiet ones are the ones you gotta watch out for....i'm quiet and i dont look for shit just to occupy my time or to make myself look tough or whatever but you push the million of red buttons i got, and best believe i'll hurt you!!
that is for all the people i went ot school with for the people who left me stranded in this place you call earth...the bastards that only use me if they dont have anyone else to fucking turn to
kiss my ass and good night!
i sure as hell do
i fear dounts people have about me and i fear neglection (if thats even a word)
i grew up hearinf so many threats about the future, as in the way we turned out to be, and i guess i just to a point where i not only believe them all but i also fear them, for me family means more to me than i do to myself, so having them suffer or hate me or whatever will kill me
i hate lieing to them everyday but although i hate it and i know its wrong i think it's best that way, the less they know the less they hurt...i cant be the one to tear this family apart, i will not be held responisible for that sort of damage, i refuse to be the ouytcast anymore, i refuse to be the one everyone makes fun of just because i'm not like the rest of the damn worl, or made fun of because my eye is all fucked up or judged becasue of the music i listen to, or made fun of becasue i suck at talking or i'm not the smartest girl on earth, or because i have interest in learning other language and culture, i hate being that girl that people go to just because they have a fucking problem and then they remember that i do fucking listen
i now stand away from you bastards that always thought i couldnt do nothing, you bastards that never looked twice at me because i'm different than the worlds population, you bastards that made me cry in school because i was too afraid to do a fucking speech!!! to those that know how i really am know not to push my buttons, i am bi-polar and a half and on top of that i'm a rican and padilla! but those that dont know or dont care, keep at it and i swear to god i'll make you wish you treated me with respect
they say the quiet ones are the ones you gotta watch out for....i'm quiet and i dont look for shit just to occupy my time or to make myself look tough or whatever but you push the million of red buttons i got, and best believe i'll hurt you!!
that is for all the people i went ot school with for the people who left me stranded in this place you call earth...the bastards that only use me if they dont have anyone else to fucking turn to
kiss my ass and good night!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
the crap
have you ever had someone that you concidered close up until you found out they want nothing to do with you?
i have and i belive i will always run into those type of people...some woman think they attrack bad guys some men say they attrack dirty girls..i say i attrack the people that cause damage as in friend wise
.......i'm not a bad person, i listen, i give support, i do all i can to do my part in a friendship even if it cost my life...with saying that i still dont understand why people turn out the way they do...i'm not perfect thats for sure but i'm not mean, now dont get me wrong you push the wrong buttons and you'll whitness adifferent side of me but that rarely happens since i bottle everything up inside....but when someone makes a mistake i forgive them dont you?...if you murder someone then your screwed cuz i want no part of your life
but say you prank call someone and they find out its you and they get all pissed off with you, cut you off 100%..is that fair? even if you've apologized a million times and meant no harm what so ever?....if i was the "victom" i'd forgive them because i know they'll never harm me but
i dont know....people tell me all the time that i'm awesome, people tell me that i'm fun to be around or the only time they talk is if i'm the listener
why is it that she cant forgive me?
i have and i belive i will always run into those type of people...some woman think they attrack bad guys some men say they attrack dirty girls..i say i attrack the people that cause damage as in friend wise
.......i'm not a bad person, i listen, i give support, i do all i can to do my part in a friendship even if it cost my life...with saying that i still dont understand why people turn out the way they do...i'm not perfect thats for sure but i'm not mean, now dont get me wrong you push the wrong buttons and you'll whitness adifferent side of me but that rarely happens since i bottle everything up inside....but when someone makes a mistake i forgive them dont you?...if you murder someone then your screwed cuz i want no part of your life
but say you prank call someone and they find out its you and they get all pissed off with you, cut you off 100%..is that fair? even if you've apologized a million times and meant no harm what so ever?....if i was the "victom" i'd forgive them because i know they'll never harm me but
i dont know....people tell me all the time that i'm awesome, people tell me that i'm fun to be around or the only time they talk is if i'm the listener
why is it that she cant forgive me?
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
i am bored and tiired
but yet i managed to write a post
i was cut open today by my 1 yr old nephew..he got me good on the cheek it hurt once he did it but after, not at all but it bled..weird eh?
anyways - i am learning BOTH japanese and korean, i began japanese first then i picked up korean due to music..so japanese because of anime and korean because of music:) sweet huh?
but my japanese skills arent as good anymore because i fail to practice, and my korean skills arent any good becasue ITS FREAKIN HARD!! i know basic words but the writing has me hung and the grammar has me drowned...it has murdered me twice!!
some say japanese is easy for spanish speaker due to the fact that we share a few words, then some say korean is easy for spanish speaker due to the fact that, un-like japanese, koreans pronounce the R's like we do but in my opinion, korean is harder for spanish speakers and japanese is only easy because of the shared words...both difficult languages
anywho - i'm changing the subject completly:)
many people belive that you need friends (or sources) in order to lead a happy life...if that's the case then i am leading no life...i make friends but for some reason they leave in some form..move away, decide to hate me, or just cut the cords for an unknown reason...i know i have many flaws and have moments where even i dont like myself...but having those flaws, insecurities and low-self-esteem doesent mean i'm a bad person, i'm sweet and understanding, i'm fun to be around
yeah i am quiet but once you get to know me and i you, i am very talkative
in school alot of people did the 'hate behind one's back" thing to me, with me giving them no reason...i only shot back twice, once in middle school and once in high school, but i was never given the oppertunity to solve it, which on my end was good enough..but i do get people that dont like me, many reasons include that i dont dress like a girl, i dont act like a girl and i make better friends with guys then i do girls....they see me as a target but they never say it to my face
the quiet ones are the ones you gotta keep an eye on...in school thats what i was..quiet only spoke to a handful of people..i sat in class quiet writing in my notebook..and yet they had the cojones to begin a battle...they escaped defeat due to the fact that i was placed in a home but like i said before, it was good on my end
ok...i went to a home right? i did almost 3 months in a detention center and over a year in the actual home...at first i didnt like the detention center, i never spoke up until the last month i was there...i got to know people by observing, i mean come on such a long period of time looking at the smae faces i knew more than they knew of themselves
then the home...i was quiet my first 2 weeks, it would of been longer but, once again i was attacked..but this time racially (not sure if that's a word but i used it)...when it comes to rasism, i take it seriously, maybe a tad bit too much..but she decided to call me a spic, say puerto ricans are dirty our woman are sluts our men are only good for low paid jobs etc....she even mentioned rasist remarks about ALL hispanics...this girl claimed she was half dominican, now to my knolage if you are half asian and half american..you can say you're asian american (key word is asian) half dominican and half white....dominican is hispanic and is in there..so it set me off....2 weeks of nothing but silence from me, this girl thought she was better than me only because she had white in her blood..i like just about anyone, but those that are rasist and think their better than anyone else...you can keep walking......i got in her face but then the staff came in and did absolutly na da for her remarks to me..that pissed me off even more, i had urges to punch the staff that was in my face, and the chick.....but instead i took a walk having a colored staff talk to me....anyways...i've had my share of trouble making in the home....but i also had points where i was a victim, that i was critisized, and i had my share of happy and sad moments...for me that place holds many memories there for me..i met wonderful people, i learned about myself more, i learned ways of coping etc....even though all but 1 person i was in there with or met there has cut the cords....i still would give anything to reunite with them, even the ones i couldnt stand
there i go..i put in a book!! sorry for making you read soo much
gotta go occupy my time:) some more!
~ Aida
but yet i managed to write a post
i was cut open today by my 1 yr old nephew..he got me good on the cheek it hurt once he did it but after, not at all but it bled..weird eh?
anyways - i am learning BOTH japanese and korean, i began japanese first then i picked up korean due to music..so japanese because of anime and korean because of music:) sweet huh?
but my japanese skills arent as good anymore because i fail to practice, and my korean skills arent any good becasue ITS FREAKIN HARD!! i know basic words but the writing has me hung and the grammar has me drowned...it has murdered me twice!!
some say japanese is easy for spanish speaker due to the fact that we share a few words, then some say korean is easy for spanish speaker due to the fact that, un-like japanese, koreans pronounce the R's like we do but in my opinion, korean is harder for spanish speakers and japanese is only easy because of the shared words...both difficult languages
anywho - i'm changing the subject completly:)
many people belive that you need friends (or sources) in order to lead a happy life...if that's the case then i am leading no life...i make friends but for some reason they leave in some form..move away, decide to hate me, or just cut the cords for an unknown reason...i know i have many flaws and have moments where even i dont like myself...but having those flaws, insecurities and low-self-esteem doesent mean i'm a bad person, i'm sweet and understanding, i'm fun to be around
yeah i am quiet but once you get to know me and i you, i am very talkative
in school alot of people did the 'hate behind one's back" thing to me, with me giving them no reason...i only shot back twice, once in middle school and once in high school, but i was never given the oppertunity to solve it, which on my end was good enough..but i do get people that dont like me, many reasons include that i dont dress like a girl, i dont act like a girl and i make better friends with guys then i do girls....they see me as a target but they never say it to my face
the quiet ones are the ones you gotta keep an eye on...in school thats what i was..quiet only spoke to a handful of people..i sat in class quiet writing in my notebook..and yet they had the cojones to begin a battle...they escaped defeat due to the fact that i was placed in a home but like i said before, it was good on my end
ok...i went to a home right? i did almost 3 months in a detention center and over a year in the actual home...at first i didnt like the detention center, i never spoke up until the last month i was there...i got to know people by observing, i mean come on such a long period of time looking at the smae faces i knew more than they knew of themselves
then the home...i was quiet my first 2 weeks, it would of been longer but, once again i was attacked..but this time racially (not sure if that's a word but i used it)...when it comes to rasism, i take it seriously, maybe a tad bit too much..but she decided to call me a spic, say puerto ricans are dirty our woman are sluts our men are only good for low paid jobs etc....she even mentioned rasist remarks about ALL hispanics...this girl claimed she was half dominican, now to my knolage if you are half asian and half american..you can say you're asian american (key word is asian) half dominican and half white....dominican is hispanic and is in there..so it set me off....2 weeks of nothing but silence from me, this girl thought she was better than me only because she had white in her blood..i like just about anyone, but those that are rasist and think their better than anyone else...you can keep walking......i got in her face but then the staff came in and did absolutly na da for her remarks to me..that pissed me off even more, i had urges to punch the staff that was in my face, and the chick.....but instead i took a walk having a colored staff talk to me....anyways...i've had my share of trouble making in the home....but i also had points where i was a victim, that i was critisized, and i had my share of happy and sad moments...for me that place holds many memories there for me..i met wonderful people, i learned about myself more, i learned ways of coping etc....even though all but 1 person i was in there with or met there has cut the cords....i still would give anything to reunite with them, even the ones i couldnt stand
there i go..i put in a book!! sorry for making you read soo much
gotta go occupy my time:) some more!
~ Aida
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