more crap

do you have fears??
i sure as hell do
i fear dounts people have about me and i fear neglection (if thats even a word)
i grew up hearinf so many threats about the future, as in the way we turned out to be, and i guess i just to a point where i not only believe them all but i also fear them, for me family means more to me than i do to myself, so having them suffer or hate me or whatever will kill me
i hate lieing to them everyday but although i hate it and i know its wrong i think it's best that way, the less they know the less they hurt...i cant be the one to tear this family apart, i will not be held responisible for that sort of damage, i refuse to be the ouytcast anymore, i refuse to be the one everyone makes fun of just because i'm not like the rest of the damn worl, or made fun of because my eye is all fucked up or judged becasue of the music i listen to, or made fun of becasue i suck at talking or i'm not the smartest girl on earth, or because i have interest in learning other language and culture, i hate being that girl that people go to just because they have a fucking problem and then they remember that i do fucking listen
i now stand away from you bastards that always thought i couldnt do nothing, you bastards that never looked twice at me because i'm different than the worlds population, you bastards that made me cry in school because i was too afraid to do a fucking speech!!! to those that know how i really am know not to push my buttons, i am bi-polar and a half and on top of that i'm a rican and padilla! but those that dont know or dont care, keep at it and i swear to god i'll make you wish you treated me with respect
they say the quiet ones are the ones you gotta watch out for....i'm quiet and i dont look for shit just to occupy my time or to make myself look tough or whatever but you push the million of red buttons i got, and best believe i'll hurt you!!
that is for all the people i went ot school with for the people who left me stranded in this place you call earth...the bastards that only use me if they dont have anyone else to fucking turn to
kiss my ass and good night!