have you ever had someone that you concidered close up until you found out they want nothing to do with you?
i have and i belive i will always run into those type of people...some woman think they attrack bad guys some men say they attrack dirty girls..i say i attrack the people that cause damage as in friend wise
.......i'm not a bad person, i listen, i give support, i do all i can to do my part in a friendship even if it cost my life...with saying that i still dont understand why people turn out the way they do...i'm not perfect thats for sure but i'm not mean, now dont get me wrong you push the wrong buttons and you'll whitness adifferent side of me but that rarely happens since i bottle everything up inside....but when someone makes a mistake i forgive them dont you?...if you murder someone then your screwed cuz i want no part of your life
but say you prank call someone and they find out its you and they get all pissed off with you, cut you off 100%..is that fair? even if you've apologized a million times and meant no harm what so ever?....if i was the "victom" i'd forgive them because i know they'll never harm me but
i dont know....people tell me all the time that i'm awesome, people tell me that i'm fun to be around or the only time they talk is if i'm the listener
why is it that she cant forgive me?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
i am bored and tiired
but yet i managed to write a post
i was cut open today by my 1 yr old nephew..he got me good on the cheek it hurt once he did it but after, not at all but it bled..weird eh?
anyways - i am learning BOTH japanese and korean, i began japanese first then i picked up korean due to music..so japanese because of anime and korean because of music:) sweet huh?
but my japanese skills arent as good anymore because i fail to practice, and my korean skills arent any good becasue ITS FREAKIN HARD!! i know basic words but the writing has me hung and the grammar has me drowned...it has murdered me twice!!
some say japanese is easy for spanish speaker due to the fact that we share a few words, then some say korean is easy for spanish speaker due to the fact that, un-like japanese, koreans pronounce the R's like we do but in my opinion, korean is harder for spanish speakers and japanese is only easy because of the shared words...both difficult languages
anywho - i'm changing the subject completly:)
many people belive that you need friends (or sources) in order to lead a happy life...if that's the case then i am leading no life...i make friends but for some reason they leave in some form..move away, decide to hate me, or just cut the cords for an unknown reason...i know i have many flaws and have moments where even i dont like myself...but having those flaws, insecurities and low-self-esteem doesent mean i'm a bad person, i'm sweet and understanding, i'm fun to be around
yeah i am quiet but once you get to know me and i you, i am very talkative
in school alot of people did the 'hate behind one's back" thing to me, with me giving them no reason...i only shot back twice, once in middle school and once in high school, but i was never given the oppertunity to solve it, which on my end was good enough..but i do get people that dont like me, many reasons include that i dont dress like a girl, i dont act like a girl and i make better friends with guys then i do girls....they see me as a target but they never say it to my face
the quiet ones are the ones you gotta keep an eye on...in school thats what i was..quiet only spoke to a handful of people..i sat in class quiet writing in my notebook..and yet they had the cojones to begin a battle...they escaped defeat due to the fact that i was placed in a home but like i said before, it was good on my end
ok...i went to a home right? i did almost 3 months in a detention center and over a year in the actual home...at first i didnt like the detention center, i never spoke up until the last month i was there...i got to know people by observing, i mean come on such a long period of time looking at the smae faces i knew more than they knew of themselves
then the home...i was quiet my first 2 weeks, it would of been longer but, once again i was attacked..but this time racially (not sure if that's a word but i used it)...when it comes to rasism, i take it seriously, maybe a tad bit too much..but she decided to call me a spic, say puerto ricans are dirty our woman are sluts our men are only good for low paid jobs etc....she even mentioned rasist remarks about ALL hispanics...this girl claimed she was half dominican, now to my knolage if you are half asian and half american..you can say you're asian american (key word is asian) half dominican and half white....dominican is hispanic and is in there..so it set me off....2 weeks of nothing but silence from me, this girl thought she was better than me only because she had white in her blood..i like just about anyone, but those that are rasist and think their better than anyone else...you can keep walking......i got in her face but then the staff came in and did absolutly na da for her remarks to me..that pissed me off even more, i had urges to punch the staff that was in my face, and the chick.....but instead i took a walk having a colored staff talk to me....anyways...i've had my share of trouble making in the home....but i also had points where i was a victim, that i was critisized, and i had my share of happy and sad moments...for me that place holds many memories there for me..i met wonderful people, i learned about myself more, i learned ways of coping etc....even though all but 1 person i was in there with or met there has cut the cords....i still would give anything to reunite with them, even the ones i couldnt stand
there i go..i put in a book!! sorry for making you read soo much
gotta go occupy my time:) some more!
~ Aida
but yet i managed to write a post
i was cut open today by my 1 yr old nephew..he got me good on the cheek it hurt once he did it but after, not at all but it bled..weird eh?
anyways - i am learning BOTH japanese and korean, i began japanese first then i picked up korean due to music..so japanese because of anime and korean because of music:) sweet huh?
but my japanese skills arent as good anymore because i fail to practice, and my korean skills arent any good becasue ITS FREAKIN HARD!! i know basic words but the writing has me hung and the grammar has me drowned...it has murdered me twice!!
some say japanese is easy for spanish speaker due to the fact that we share a few words, then some say korean is easy for spanish speaker due to the fact that, un-like japanese, koreans pronounce the R's like we do but in my opinion, korean is harder for spanish speakers and japanese is only easy because of the shared words...both difficult languages
anywho - i'm changing the subject completly:)
many people belive that you need friends (or sources) in order to lead a happy life...if that's the case then i am leading no life...i make friends but for some reason they leave in some form..move away, decide to hate me, or just cut the cords for an unknown reason...i know i have many flaws and have moments where even i dont like myself...but having those flaws, insecurities and low-self-esteem doesent mean i'm a bad person, i'm sweet and understanding, i'm fun to be around
yeah i am quiet but once you get to know me and i you, i am very talkative
in school alot of people did the 'hate behind one's back" thing to me, with me giving them no reason...i only shot back twice, once in middle school and once in high school, but i was never given the oppertunity to solve it, which on my end was good enough..but i do get people that dont like me, many reasons include that i dont dress like a girl, i dont act like a girl and i make better friends with guys then i do girls....they see me as a target but they never say it to my face
the quiet ones are the ones you gotta keep an eye on...in school thats what i was..quiet only spoke to a handful of people..i sat in class quiet writing in my notebook..and yet they had the cojones to begin a battle...they escaped defeat due to the fact that i was placed in a home but like i said before, it was good on my end
ok...i went to a home right? i did almost 3 months in a detention center and over a year in the actual home...at first i didnt like the detention center, i never spoke up until the last month i was there...i got to know people by observing, i mean come on such a long period of time looking at the smae faces i knew more than they knew of themselves
then the home...i was quiet my first 2 weeks, it would of been longer but, once again i was attacked..but this time racially (not sure if that's a word but i used it)...when it comes to rasism, i take it seriously, maybe a tad bit too much..but she decided to call me a spic, say puerto ricans are dirty our woman are sluts our men are only good for low paid jobs etc....she even mentioned rasist remarks about ALL hispanics...this girl claimed she was half dominican, now to my knolage if you are half asian and half american..you can say you're asian american (key word is asian) half dominican and half white....dominican is hispanic and is in there..so it set me off....2 weeks of nothing but silence from me, this girl thought she was better than me only because she had white in her blood..i like just about anyone, but those that are rasist and think their better than anyone else...you can keep walking......i got in her face but then the staff came in and did absolutly na da for her remarks to me..that pissed me off even more, i had urges to punch the staff that was in my face, and the chick.....but instead i took a walk having a colored staff talk to me....anyways...i've had my share of trouble making in the home....but i also had points where i was a victim, that i was critisized, and i had my share of happy and sad moments...for me that place holds many memories there for me..i met wonderful people, i learned about myself more, i learned ways of coping etc....even though all but 1 person i was in there with or met there has cut the cords....i still would give anything to reunite with them, even the ones i couldnt stand
there i go..i put in a book!! sorry for making you read soo much
gotta go occupy my time:) some more!
~ Aida
BEST OF POETRY # 2
"Forgiven"
chances have been given to me
but yet i didn't follow along
felt that i let you down
although i know i was wrong
faith and you have kept me alive
i lost you and I'm loosing faith now
i apologize for my actions
I'm sorry rejecting you bow
you haven't spoke to me
though i wish you will
cant help but to cry
because i live like this still
often i get upset with how life has treated me
but the temptations were always driven
you showed me your smile
now i know I've been forgiven
NUMERO DOS!!
~Aida!!!!!!!!!!!!
chances have been given to me
but yet i didn't follow along
felt that i let you down
although i know i was wrong
faith and you have kept me alive
i lost you and I'm loosing faith now
i apologize for my actions
I'm sorry rejecting you bow
you haven't spoke to me
though i wish you will
cant help but to cry
because i live like this still
often i get upset with how life has treated me
but the temptations were always driven
you showed me your smile
now i know I've been forgiven
NUMERO DOS!!
~Aida!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, October 10, 2008
i shall call it a night
Nana (cousin), lulu, juni, Timmy, Ty and scarlo
juni squinting his eyes after digging into the cake we were supposed to eat:)it has been the longest day ever!!!!
juni's 1st b-day party lasted 2 hours, not too crowded which is good:)
he made his cake a disaster but it was fun watching him claw his way through...he's a good kid, and it was fun watching him just lie on the floor and crawl
um i stayed up all last night and it's 11:25 P.M right this moment
i am ready to fall over right now. my eyes itch and they feel dry
SOME ONE MAKE ME CRY SO THEY WILL FEEL BETTER:) j/k
any who - juni did have a great birthday, the 1st one was full of joy and laughter
good night everyone
~ Aida
BEST OF POETRY # 1
this is the first poem to be added to the BEST OF POETRY category
" THE"
the eyes, the nose, the tears
the color, the height, the fears
the voice, the speech, the lips
the air, the clothes, the finger tips
the giggle, the smile, the charm
the love, the heart, the one to bring no harm
the talent, the intelligence, the stare
the prom, the divorce, the gray hairs
the dance, the CD, the song
the party, the feet, the wrong
the hair, the skin, the dimples
the scars, the hurt, thank god no pimples
the laughter, the breath, the sleep
the car, the city, the peeps
the fight, the screams, the yells
the bird, the dolphin, what the hell?
the phobia, the food, the style
the toes, the teeth, the walk down the aisle
the scratch, the blood, the book
the stomp, the grab, the left hook
the show, the time, the hours
the dream, the store, the flowers
the website, the typing, the screen
the blond, the brown, the green
the flaws, the cake, the heavens
the walk, the job, the five foot eleven
the pen, the ink, the paper
the cops, the judge, the raper
the insecurities, the sighs, the look
the flight, the guards, the trip you took
the ugly, the rude, the mean
the stroll, the promise, the scene
the words, the fun, the poor
the strippers, the pimps, the whores
the danger, the memories, the pain
the washer, the water, the GAIN
the cards, the steps, the wonder
the creations, the excitement, the founder
the crowd, the glimpse, the thought
the sad, the happy, the well-taught
the beginning, the past, the trend
the pre-school, the family, THE END
how was it?..this is the only poem that anyone has ever read in front of me or with me knowing, i received good feedback though i believe they said it to not make me feel down. but OH WELL
i think I'm done for the day
PEASHHH AAAUUUUTTTTU!!
~Aida!!
" THE"
the eyes, the nose, the tears
the color, the height, the fears
the voice, the speech, the lips
the air, the clothes, the finger tips
the giggle, the smile, the charm
the love, the heart, the one to bring no harm
the talent, the intelligence, the stare
the prom, the divorce, the gray hairs
the dance, the CD, the song
the party, the feet, the wrong
the hair, the skin, the dimples
the scars, the hurt, thank god no pimples
the laughter, the breath, the sleep
the car, the city, the peeps
the fight, the screams, the yells
the bird, the dolphin, what the hell?
the phobia, the food, the style
the toes, the teeth, the walk down the aisle
the scratch, the blood, the book
the stomp, the grab, the left hook
the show, the time, the hours
the dream, the store, the flowers
the website, the typing, the screen
the blond, the brown, the green
the flaws, the cake, the heavens
the walk, the job, the five foot eleven
the pen, the ink, the paper
the cops, the judge, the raper
the insecurities, the sighs, the look
the flight, the guards, the trip you took
the ugly, the rude, the mean
the stroll, the promise, the scene
the words, the fun, the poor
the strippers, the pimps, the whores
the danger, the memories, the pain
the washer, the water, the GAIN
the cards, the steps, the wonder
the creations, the excitement, the founder
the crowd, the glimpse, the thought
the sad, the happy, the well-taught
the beginning, the past, the trend
the pre-school, the family, THE END
how was it?..this is the only poem that anyone has ever read in front of me or with me knowing, i received good feedback though i believe they said it to not make me feel down. but OH WELL
i think I'm done for the day
PEASHHH AAAUUUUTTTTU!!
~Aida!!
WARNING!!!!
so i can't sleep...i decided to share pieces of my story
character 1 diary entry #1 FYI: CHARACTERS NAMES WILL NOT BE REVELED
March 30Th, 2008 -4:17 P.M
I'm unable to sleep, i have so many things trapped in my head and heart, although I'm happy I'm sad, although I'm happy i still feel empty...(the woman i love) has shown me another side of life and for her support and teachings i thank her. I'm thankful for her and the girls existence and even mine
~ tragedy has struck me multiple times, it hit me like lighting on a metal object, but i was never alone in the recovery room, the girls never let me struggle alone, cry alone, get angry alone or even heal alone
~my cousin and his girlfriend aren't too fond of me at the moment, they believe I've forgotten them or even lost the love i had for them, it isn't true, once you enter my heart you'll never escape it
~ to everyone i hold inside my heart, i love you and thank you for blessing me with your company
~~~~
character1 diary entry # 2
April 15Th, 2008 - 11:28 P.M
forgiveness means allot, it means allot to me and it should mean allot to you as well, given so many opportunity's that not many people are offered, i truly am blessed
I'm blessed with a loving family, dedicated friends and a humble girlfriend, though I've suffered a childhood with no mother, I've learned to accept her decision
~to my mother - if it's true that you're in heaven gazing down to me, I'm thankful for your tough decision, if you were to live, i wouldn't be here today, you have allowed me to live even if it meant that you lost your chance to life. that's the reason for my success my education, my work, my personality and even choice of friends
i do not take life for granted because if you didn't choose me over you i wouldn't have a life to begin with, although i am angry for your absence and sometimes wish that you chose option B, i now understand why...I'll never disappoint you mom..i live because of you and for you
~~~~~
character 2 diary entry
August 4Th, 2008 - 2:14 A.M
HELLO!!! we wrapped up today about an hour ago, I'm tired and SO soar but in approximately 6 hours we have to go out and do some MORE work...( the man i love) is asleep beside me, i say "hello!" on his behalf!!
TODAY'S RANT: "i love you"
I'm in love, today we exchanged the 3 special words " i love you" and my God was it heaven, he stared into my eyes as i stared into his glassy green eyes and said " i love you" it was perfect and flawless ^^
i know i say "i love you" allot but its to family and close friends, the 3 words i gave him felt different, more personal and more meaningful... not that i didn't mean it when i said it to anyone else but i really do love him. when he entered my life i couldn't move whenever he was around, i finally love some one and i pray that it last
P.S - I LOVE YOU!!
~~~~~
character 3 diary entry
August 21st, 2008 - 1:27 P.M
hello, remember me? of coarse you do! you better, seeing that I've spilled my life to you for 3 years now!!
today i must share something with you , a secret, a secret NO ONE knows, so shh!! don't tell anyone
~ remember when we held the 2 week contest? the winner has won over our hearts and has earned our love, but... recently he's dating ( my friend) I'm very happy that their both happy but because of my happiness for them both, I'm unhappy with myself
the secret it~~~ i like him, he's cute, has a beautiful smile, good teeth, generous and has eyes no one can ignore, but he's taken and doesn't love me, well...maybe as a friend or sister but not the way i love him
when he was injured internally and externally i cried everyday, i couldn't sleep and i lost focus on everything, i respect his love for (my friend) i am just angry that i can't love him
but i will never love him, reason?i believe their love will last forever, their love is strong
and i will not hurt my friend
forever he will have my heart, whether he realizes it or not
oh!! i have to get going
luv: me!!
~~~~~~
i decided to keep the character names hidden for now, holding some info will have better results:)
so whatcha think?
4 entries i have to stick into the story...ya! that means character 1's entries will mean i have to rewrite some parts :( I'll live!!!
HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY JUNI!!!! TITI LOVES YOU:)
yuppers my nephew is 1 years old today, it will be a hectic day today, set up, visitors, food!!!! we puertoricans gotta have food at gatherings or parties..not typical food but, traditional plates (well for my family) rice and beans, chicken, corn beef etc.....yummy i am getting hungry now!
OK--i have decided to begin sharing poetry with you...i will release one each day, so I'll post a poem in a new post:) tons of reading for you eh?
I'll title it BEST OF POETRY with the number after
ex. BEST OF POETRY #7...K?
next post I'll begin the collection:)
ta ta for now..gotta google some things:)
~Aida!!!!!
character 1 diary entry #1 FYI: CHARACTERS NAMES WILL NOT BE REVELED
March 30Th, 2008 -4:17 P.M
I'm unable to sleep, i have so many things trapped in my head and heart, although I'm happy I'm sad, although I'm happy i still feel empty...(the woman i love) has shown me another side of life and for her support and teachings i thank her. I'm thankful for her and the girls existence and even mine
~ tragedy has struck me multiple times, it hit me like lighting on a metal object, but i was never alone in the recovery room, the girls never let me struggle alone, cry alone, get angry alone or even heal alone
~my cousin and his girlfriend aren't too fond of me at the moment, they believe I've forgotten them or even lost the love i had for them, it isn't true, once you enter my heart you'll never escape it
~ to everyone i hold inside my heart, i love you and thank you for blessing me with your company
~~~~
character1 diary entry # 2
April 15Th, 2008 - 11:28 P.M
forgiveness means allot, it means allot to me and it should mean allot to you as well, given so many opportunity's that not many people are offered, i truly am blessed
I'm blessed with a loving family, dedicated friends and a humble girlfriend, though I've suffered a childhood with no mother, I've learned to accept her decision
~to my mother - if it's true that you're in heaven gazing down to me, I'm thankful for your tough decision, if you were to live, i wouldn't be here today, you have allowed me to live even if it meant that you lost your chance to life. that's the reason for my success my education, my work, my personality and even choice of friends
i do not take life for granted because if you didn't choose me over you i wouldn't have a life to begin with, although i am angry for your absence and sometimes wish that you chose option B, i now understand why...I'll never disappoint you mom..i live because of you and for you
~~~~~
character 2 diary entry
August 4Th, 2008 - 2:14 A.M
HELLO!!! we wrapped up today about an hour ago, I'm tired and SO soar but in approximately 6 hours we have to go out and do some MORE work...( the man i love) is asleep beside me, i say "hello!" on his behalf!!
TODAY'S RANT: "i love you"
I'm in love, today we exchanged the 3 special words " i love you" and my God was it heaven, he stared into my eyes as i stared into his glassy green eyes and said " i love you" it was perfect and flawless ^^
i know i say "i love you" allot but its to family and close friends, the 3 words i gave him felt different, more personal and more meaningful... not that i didn't mean it when i said it to anyone else but i really do love him. when he entered my life i couldn't move whenever he was around, i finally love some one and i pray that it last
P.S - I LOVE YOU!!
~~~~~
character 3 diary entry
August 21st, 2008 - 1:27 P.M
hello, remember me? of coarse you do! you better, seeing that I've spilled my life to you for 3 years now!!
today i must share something with you , a secret, a secret NO ONE knows, so shh!! don't tell anyone
~ remember when we held the 2 week contest? the winner has won over our hearts and has earned our love, but... recently he's dating ( my friend) I'm very happy that their both happy but because of my happiness for them both, I'm unhappy with myself
the secret it~~~ i like him, he's cute, has a beautiful smile, good teeth, generous and has eyes no one can ignore, but he's taken and doesn't love me, well...maybe as a friend or sister but not the way i love him
when he was injured internally and externally i cried everyday, i couldn't sleep and i lost focus on everything, i respect his love for (my friend) i am just angry that i can't love him
but i will never love him, reason?i believe their love will last forever, their love is strong
and i will not hurt my friend
forever he will have my heart, whether he realizes it or not
oh!! i have to get going
luv: me!!
~~~~~~
i decided to keep the character names hidden for now, holding some info will have better results:)
so whatcha think?
4 entries i have to stick into the story...ya! that means character 1's entries will mean i have to rewrite some parts :( I'll live!!!
HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY JUNI!!!! TITI LOVES YOU:)
yuppers my nephew is 1 years old today, it will be a hectic day today, set up, visitors, food!!!! we puertoricans gotta have food at gatherings or parties..not typical food but, traditional plates (well for my family) rice and beans, chicken, corn beef etc.....yummy i am getting hungry now!
OK--i have decided to begin sharing poetry with you...i will release one each day, so I'll post a poem in a new post:) tons of reading for you eh?
I'll title it BEST OF POETRY with the number after
ex. BEST OF POETRY #7...K?
next post I'll begin the collection:)
ta ta for now..gotta google some things:)
~Aida!!!!!
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